Parenting: there are many things accomplished by parenting for both the parent and child. The parent grows in incredible ways that cannot be accomplished in any other way. Parenting is the ultimate way to become more like Heavenly Father. There will be many blessings as well as trials in parenting, but one study (Rosen 1990) found that "93 percent [of mothers] said they were as happy or happier than they were before they became mothers." (Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy, Eighth Edition - Robert H. and Jeanette C. Lauer) That's an exciting statistic, especially in a world that idolizes self-fulfillment and leisure time and looks down on those who decide to be "just" a mother instead of pursuing a career. Of course, the child is also blessed through having parents - it is so much the harder to grow up well-adjusted without loving parents.
When it comes to trials in parenting, there will of course be no shortage. However, we have many options for how we will deal with those trials. I believe that the best option is principle-based parenting. Parenting based on principles gives the parent a preplanned response to a multitude of trials because principles relate to many circumstances. This means that "natural man" parenting is less likely to occur.
Two excellent resources when talking about principle-based parenting are Active Parenting of Teens (Third Edition) by Michael Popkin and Parenting with Love: Making a Difference in a Day by Glenn Latham.
One of my favorite principles for parenting is ignoring weed behavior (as Latham calls it). Latham points out that the behavior that is noticed is the behavior that continues. Your children want your attention, and if the only way they can get it is through misbehaving, you had better believe that they will misbehave! So many parents believe that they have to stifle every bad behavior. In reality, what they really need to do is commend good behavior, especially when the child isn't asking for it. Consistent, small recognition of the good things they do will lead to strong children. It is also important to note that as parents we shouldn't comment on the character of the child ("You are..." statements like "You are so lazy" or "You are a good/bad boy"). These lead the child to think that their actions are who they are and if they make a mistake, they ARE bad. Instead, focus on their efforts. "You put a lot of hard work into your project" and pointing out specific accomplishments like "I love the way you blended the blue and green" let the child know you are paying attention and it gives them something they can focus on. Admit it, even as adults, hearing "Thank you for talking about how grace has helped you overcome being a single parent; you were an answer to my prayers" means infinitely more than the "Great talk!" we often hear at church.
Another aspect of parenting are the three main types of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. Authoritarian is rules with little affection; authoritative is affection with clear expectations; permissive is affection with few rules. Children function best with authoritative (aka active) parenting. Sometimes one parent can be authoritarian, and to compensate, the other parent will be permissive. This cycle will continue as each tries to make up for the other. If you and your spouse have different parenting styles, the best thing to do is discover the benefits of authoritative parenting and try to find middle ground.
One of the best things you can do for your children is to make sure expectations are clear and then sticking to them consistently. It is easy to think that if you enforce the rules your children won't like you, but that isn't true. They will be grateful for boundaries, as long as they're not too tight. Remember that they are still growing up and they need the direction of boundaries to protect them. At the same time, remember that natural consequences are often the most powerful teachers. You can tell your child not to touch a hot stove, but he will understand the lesson as soon as he touches the stove. I'm not saying to let your child get hurt, but in situations where he isn't in danger, natural consequences are powerful. Imagine, for example, that the night before a project is due your child comes to you, telling you that he hasn't even started and he needs your help. Will he be more benefitted long-term by your bailing him out or letting him feel the natural consequences? It's also important to note that the consequences are almost always lower the younger a child is. Do you want your child to learn from 8-year-old mistakes or 21-year-old mistakes?
What are your thoughts on parenting? What are some things you're going to do to help your children be successful?
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