None of us expect to be part of a divorce or blended family, but there is always the possibility that it can happen.
It is very important to know your spouse before you marry him. There are plenty of good books and questionnaires out there to help you know who you're planning to spend eternity with. Two solid resources are "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" by John Van Epp and "Before Your Wedding" by Laura Nielson Denke. There are also many good resources listed on Amazon if you type in the title "300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage".
I found out that the statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce is false. I have seen that statistic all. over. the. place. I'm glad to see that the percent is lower than that.
One thing I have learned over and over is that one of the best assurances for a strong marriage is a strong friendship with your spouse. That is why it is so important to begin a relationship with a strong foundation of friendship.
I also learned the importance of understanding each other's unwritten contracts for what is expected in marriage. The possible struggles that might come up need to be addressed before marriage.
One of the assignments I read gave a play-by-play of each stage for each person in a simulated divorce and remarriage. It was painful to read. It reinforced to me that our decisions affect so many other people, especially when it's related to family. Divorce most often has the deepest impact on the children, who are the ones who have very little control over the situation. I also felt over and over again that almost all (if not all) these problems could have been circumvented if each person had turned to Heavenly Father and each other. The husband in this story turned instead to alcoholism - he could not have overcome that except through Christlike principles. The mother of the wife had an unhealthy relationship with her daughter because she had not been able to move past her husband's death. Again, the Atonement could have helped her.
Now, I understand that there are many different situations and I have no right to point fingers, especially in such a tender situation. Divorce is a painful, painful subject. It gets to the very heart of our purpose on earth, and for those who have gone through it, calling them failures is uncalled for. But I do know that whatever stage a family is in, the Atonement can help them and they need to turn to Christ for healing and strength. The same is true for whatever trials we face in life. I know this to be true.
There are lots of precautions we can take against divorce. You can working on growing in respect between spouses. Working on finances can help. Talking about physical intimacy expectations, focusing on the other person's needs, and letting your spouse know what you like and don't like are all things you can do. Practice acknowledging what your spouse says, even if it's something as simple as an article in the paper. Have traditions together like time to talk every night, weekly dates, regular temple trips, and couple prayer and scripture study. Set up codewords or actions that let each other know that an argument is about to ensue. Guard yourself against infidelity by not spending time with those of the opposite sex, even virtually. Make your spouse your number one commitment. Seek extra help if necessary.
What do you think are some ways that we can help divorce-proof a marriage?
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