Top Ten

Here are some of the most important things I have learned this semester:

1. The statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce is false. I still don't quite understand the actual ratio; something about how in a year, certain people stay married while others divorce. The good news is that I can point out that that statistic is false! I believe that to mean that although divorce is still quite common, it isn't as common as I thought. Hopefully that can give others hope in marrying, instead of giving them the false expectation that their marriage has a 50/50 chance of making it. It also helped me to look closer at the statistic I've heard that even 50 percent of temple marriages end in divorce. I need more evidence to be convinced now, instead of just a random percentage thrown out in the open.

2. Much of the research about the outcomes of same-sex marriage and the ability to overcome same-sex attraction is skewed towards those who favor same-sex marriage. There are a lot of people right now who are taking sides about same-sex marriage. I loved Dennis Prager's article about how both sides have two different questions they ask, and that's where the problems come. Both facts are true: gay people need more equality, but that does not mean that gay marriage is the best for our society. Sound bytes are made out of skewed information about SSA and the public is confused and misled.

3. Much of the world lives in moral relativism, saying that things are only good or bad depending on how you label them. This concept is false. The truth is that there is absolute good and bad. I can definitely see this pull happening in our society, with people being too focused on tolerance. It's so important to be aware of the fact that this is happening, or it is easier to get sucked into doing it and allowing it ourselves. We must live according to Heavenly Father's law, or everyone will become a law unto themselves, only to find out how mistaken they were at the judgment bar.

4. A few of the most important factors in a happy marriage are that you think of your partner as your best friend and that you respect him. Without those foundations, you are in trouble. Best friends know what each other like and dislike, and they cater to those preferences. They know about each other. They talk about what happens day to day as well as deep things. Do the little things you know your spouse would love and avoid the things you know they dislike. Those little drops in the bucket add up to a strong marriage.

5. The most important things we can do for our children is help them learn to govern themselves and to have strong ballast. I learned this in the parenting class, but I have felt it reinforced this semester. Children definitely need freedom, but they definitely also need limits if they are to learn to have the discipline they will need to fuel their lives after they leave home. Instilling values that apply to many situations is more useful than constantly saying "don't touch that" and "don't say that".

6. About 70 percent of married BYU-I students said that the first year of marriage was bearable. I love this statistic because it shows reality. Many people fall into believing that once you are married, life is happily ever after. The truth is, we know that's not how it's going to be. We aren't going to be ecstatic every day and our level of happiness will stay pretty much the same, or (if our expectations were unrealistically high) they will decrease. If you aren't happy when you're single, you won't be happy when you're married. The truth of the matter is that although married life can bring happiness that can't be experienced in any other way, it is also hard. Hard and joyful don't have to cancel each other one - in fact, the struggle is often what makes the happiness rich.

7. Working together as a family is one of the most important things we can do, but it's also one of the things that has been nearly eliminated from our modern world. Adam and Eve were commanded to till the earth together. Our world has tried to go "back to Eden" where there was less work required. But work is a blessing because it gives us a chance to teach our children, give them good role models, and spend time together. Even the aspects of work that make it seem unappealing, like repetition and being mundane, are what make them perfect ways for families to connect. Although life is easier now, that does not mean it is more fulfilling. We sacrificed a lot when we let technology take over.

8. There is incredible power in labels. I remember Brother Williams told a story about a guy he knows who was labeled moody when he was younger. The man is very capable and bright, but that label followed him his whole life and he still lives in his parents' basement. In the same light, labeling someone as gay can have incredible power to change the course of someone's life. I am making sure that my children never ever label others because of the powerful repercussions it can have.

9. There is no perfect person out there for you, and even if there was, he's not spending every waking minute looking for you. He has his own life! I remember reading the devotional by Brother Chadwick about finding your future spouse. Everything he said is true! You reap what you sow. If you spend all semester in your apartment, the Spirit is probably not going to whisper to an imaginary Prince Charming, "knock on apartment 203 and ask for Ashley." The very best thing we can do is trust that Heavenly Father will help us in finding our future spouse as we go about living full lives while doing our parts to find him!

10. Recognize that research comes from humans. That means it can be flawed, skewed, misinterpreted, or done by those without credentials. Like I mentioned in my first point, it is so easy to want to believe anything that has a percentage attached to it. The implications can be huge! People can decide whether or not they are going to marry or have children based on a false statistic or false interpretation of a statistic. Also, the more people you have researching a topic with the same results, the more you can trust it. Law of witnesses! Also, as President Uchtdorf said in his CES devotional, "...it is always good to keep in mind, just because something is printed on paper, appears on the Internet, is frequently repeated, or has a powerful group of followers doesn’t make it true."